I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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