she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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