I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
