Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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