Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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