DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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