Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You are the jesus of drinking
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
