Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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