I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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