apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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