Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
