seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
