alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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