found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
