So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
