get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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