so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My vagina just clenched in fear
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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