you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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