and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
dude. I can hear the air.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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