I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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