Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
