it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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