I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
