: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
