You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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