Please, let me fuck your mom
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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