There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
