This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I have already put on my inside pants.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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