Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
