tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
