i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i used baking grease as lip gloss
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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