I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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