I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
