I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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