***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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