I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
