Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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