he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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