the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
