Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
