hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
