I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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