You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
