My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
