Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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