spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
