From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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