i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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