And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
