I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
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The chlamydia really affected his face.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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