I could have mohawked her pubes.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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