OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
