I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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