Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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