Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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