Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
