You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
