Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
