at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
