The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
