I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
