I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
