Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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