I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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