We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
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I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
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Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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