do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
