It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
