I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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