Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
