I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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