You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
