Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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